Neighbor Wars

The Down & Gritty of the City

Have you ever seen 'The Duplex'? If you haven't you should it's a pretty hilarious depiction of a young couple getting their first place together in New York (starring Drew Barrymore and Ben Stiller) and all the ridiculousness that ensues from their upstairs neighbor, a very elderly lady. Well unfortunately, this isn't far off from the realities of what New Yorkers face with their one or some cases many neighbors. It is very, very different from the midwest roots I'm used to.

Unless you're still in a college dorm, in New York you don't get to know your neighbor. They can't be bothered with silly mundane details like a strangers name or where they work which is so far removed from Kansas where you know all your neighbors names, their kids names and even their cell phone number. New Yorkers don't have time for that, and in a place that is home to the ever changing real-estate it's no wonder because no one lives in one place for very long before rent is pushed up and your pushed out into the new up and coming area. 

Well the boy and I have found ourselves smack dap in the middle of a full fledged neighbor war with our upstairs neighbor. I've only actually seen the guy and his girlfriend a handful of times, I don't even think I could point him out in a line up, but trust me that doesn't keep me from absolutely despising the guy. And we only know his name because we get his mail all the time. It all started when our old neighbor who was friendly enough but still kept to himself (the quintessential perfect New York neighbor) moved out and this guy  moved in. We each have a recycling bin and trash bin outside, all standing together. Well the day he moved in he filled all of them up to the brim and had trash spilling all over the walkway. Then there the trash sat. For a week. I took it all out for him, despite the fact that they took our bins and they were so full there wasn't any room for our own that week. Hey, maybe he had a lot of stuff from moving in. He was new, he didn't know the trash schedule yet. Give the guy a break. Didn't think much of it. 

Then it became a habit. He used whichever bins he felt like and never took anything out. Ever. Listen buddy, I have enough of my own things to do than to worry about your stinky trash too. In New York recycling is picked up once a week but only a certain kind like paper one week, plastics and cans the next. So if it's mixed or the wrong week they obviously won't take it. He kept throwing in whatever with ours so unless I wanted to dig it out myself it wouldn't be picked up or we would have to wait another week to put it out.

It's one of those little things that just irks you and the longer it goes the more it builds. Next thing we know, his girlfriend moves in, they park the wrong way on the street and prevent the plows from getting our road when it snows- which lately has been a lot. They are so loud going up the stairs they almost knocked pictures off our kitchen wall (which is under their front door) and you can hear everything they talk about. I mean, everything. Next our bathroom ceiling started to leak, and leak is putting it lightly, we had water pouring down the walls and straight off the ceiling. It was insane. The idiot broke his sink.

He's definitely not on my good list and every time I see he's home. . . which is all the time. . . I seethe. Doesn't he have a job?? Either of them?? They finally took the trash out. . . kinda. . . after we stopped taking it out and let it sit, just to see. It sat there for over a MONTH. What's more is he kept just piling more trash bags around it. It was in the middle of winter and it still smelled. We hounded our landlords and I'm sure they passed it on and he finally dragged three of the four bins out, on the wrong day never the less. Now they have highjacked the only two not broken ones and the two they left behind are disgusting and one is still full to the brim with his last trash load.  I'm about ready to dump it on their front door. I never knew someone who plays such a small part in your life could be so largely annoying. Unlike in 'The Duplex' (seriously go watch it, you'll get a taste of what we're going through) I don't think we'll need to go to such extreme measures to remedy the situation but we certainly will be counting the days until we move out!

Here's to The Future Quiet, Uneventful Neighbors!